A parent's guide to handling elementary school discipline
Labels: Discipline
Elementary school-aged children often present challenges for parents. This guide offers parents discipline techniques when handling specific incidences which may arise.
Raising children is one of life’s most rewarding experiences, yet it can also be fraught with many challenges as children move through various developmental stages. As they grow, develop and mature, each stage of development presents parents with a variety of discipline issues. Continually on a quest for more independence, children can aggravate, disrespect or even ignore parental requests and rules. Elementary school-aged children can at times cause parents to be at a loss for discipline techniques. Below is a guide to handling some of the more common elementary school discipline problems that may arise in your family.
First, it is important to know that children come into this world with their own unique personalities and temperamental traits and they will respond to the world differently. If the problems you face with your child seem beyond your control or if your child seems to be a danger to himself or to others, please seek professional help. The guide below is for the more common discipline issues parents face.
What are some of these challenges that elementary school-aged children present?
Here are some examples:
Disrespectful behavior. Includes talking back, negative body language, lack of self-control.
Uncooperative behavior. Includes refusing to do homework, not helping around the house, refusing "to listen."
Difficulty moving through schedules. Includes having difficulty going to bed or getting up on time.
Whining, begging, having tantrums
Below is a guide that parents can use with their elementary school children:
1. Establish routines and rituals. These are the backbone of a family. Routines and rituals offer stability, predictability and comfort. Set bedtimes, reading times, play times and bath times—and stick with them as much as possible. Eventually, as the routines become established, the battles will fall by the wayside.
2. Clearly state your expectations of acceptable behavior. This would include using polite manners, being cooperative, speaking respectfully and controlling negative body language.
3. When speaking to your children, use a firm but loving tone of voice. Avoid yelling, dominating or exerting your power. It only increases anger in children. Model the kind of behavior you would like to see in your own children.
4. State consequences clearly to your children. Work these out with your spouse and become a united front. Also, let nature determine the consequences for some behaviors. If your child refuses to wear a sweater on a cold day, let him/her go without one. Nature is a great teacher.
5. Allow children to make some decisions. Give them a few limited choices, then let them decide. This helps establish self-esteem.
6. Use affirmative language and avoid language which hints of control. Words like, "Don’t" and "Stop" immediately create a power struggle. Instead, try words like, "Please…." "I’d like you to…" Rephrasing language can have a dramatic effect and bring about a spirit of cooperation. Messages such as, "If you finish your homework, then you can play outside," can be effective motivators.
7. Offer alternatives for the expression of anger or frustration, such as a "time-alone," writing, or sports which allow venting.
8. Find out what motivates your child and use it to your advantage. Perhaps it’s a story with a parent or a board game after dinner.
9. Keep the avenues of communication open so your child will feel free to discuss any problems or insecurities with you. A frustrated child will often exhibit anger or rebellion. Find out what might be wrong.
10. Offer affection, attention and empathy. These all contribute to deeper relationships and more positive behavior. And then, have a laugh…
How can you handle specific incidences when they arise?
Let’s look at some problems and some discipline techniques for each one:
Talking Back
Again, clearly state to your children what tone of voice is acceptable, what respectable language can be used and the consequences that will occur if they talk back. First, state that talking back is unacceptable. Second, let your child know that you’d be happy to listen if he/she would use polite language. Third, ignore the behavior by "going neutral." Respectful behavior begets attention, and that’s what children want.
Refusing to do homework
If your child refuses to do homework, first make sure that he/she is able to developmentally handle the level of work and the amount being sent home. If this is the problem, talk to the teacher and have the load modified or reduced. Every child is different. However, if your child refuses to do the homework because of indifference, rebellion or lack of motivation, then again, state that there are consequences for not doing homework (usually, the teacher will have a consequence). Next, break the homework session into small, manageable increments. Perhaps after 15 minutes the child can take a break. And last, use the message such as "If you complete your homework, you can ride your bike."
Uncooperative behavior (such as refusing to help around the house)
Clearly state what chores are required and on what days they need to be done. If your child refuses to help, remind him/her that he is a family member, and all family members participate to help each other. If he still refuses, then stop "doing" for him (this could be not doing his laundry etc.). Children get the message very quickly that a spirit of cooperation helps everyone.
Bedtime, getting up in the morning and difficulty adhering to time frames
Clearly state what the bedtimes are in your family. Then help your child by transitioning 15 minutes before the bedtime. Try to create a calm atmosphere which signals that bedtime is arriving soon. For morning routines, help your child by providing an alarm clock. Reduce the morning rush by organizing backpacks etc. the night before.
Whining, begging and tantrums
If your child whines, begs, talks back or engages you in negative behavior, clearly state to him/her that the behavior is unacceptable. Then continue about your business in a neutral manner. If you’re in a store and your child begins to have a tantrum, immediately leave. You can always go back another time. Remember, as a parent, you are continually teaching and training. These few inconveniences will help your child to gain more self-control. If children want to be with you in a store, they will need to control their negative behaviors.
This guide to handling elementary school discipline is to assist parents in setting boundaries, creating expectations and providing natural and logical consequences for children. With practice and patience, parents can use the techniques offered here to help their school-aged children grow into respectful, thriving young adults. And remember, praise good behavior—children thrive on recognition and ultimately want to please.
Raising children is one of life’s most rewarding experiences, yet it can also be fraught with many challenges as children move through various developmental stages. As they grow, develop and mature, each stage of development presents parents with a variety of discipline issues. Continually on a quest for more independence, children can aggravate, disrespect or even ignore parental requests and rules. Elementary school-aged children can at times cause parents to be at a loss for discipline techniques. Below is a guide to handling some of the more common elementary school discipline problems that may arise in your family.
First, it is important to know that children come into this world with their own unique personalities and temperamental traits and they will respond to the world differently. If the problems you face with your child seem beyond your control or if your child seems to be a danger to himself or to others, please seek professional help. The guide below is for the more common discipline issues parents face.
What are some of these challenges that elementary school-aged children present?
Here are some examples:
Disrespectful behavior. Includes talking back, negative body language, lack of self-control.
Uncooperative behavior. Includes refusing to do homework, not helping around the house, refusing "to listen."
Difficulty moving through schedules. Includes having difficulty going to bed or getting up on time.
Whining, begging, having tantrums
Below is a guide that parents can use with their elementary school children:
1. Establish routines and rituals. These are the backbone of a family. Routines and rituals offer stability, predictability and comfort. Set bedtimes, reading times, play times and bath times—and stick with them as much as possible. Eventually, as the routines become established, the battles will fall by the wayside.
2. Clearly state your expectations of acceptable behavior. This would include using polite manners, being cooperative, speaking respectfully and controlling negative body language.
3. When speaking to your children, use a firm but loving tone of voice. Avoid yelling, dominating or exerting your power. It only increases anger in children. Model the kind of behavior you would like to see in your own children.
4. State consequences clearly to your children. Work these out with your spouse and become a united front. Also, let nature determine the consequences for some behaviors. If your child refuses to wear a sweater on a cold day, let him/her go without one. Nature is a great teacher.
5. Allow children to make some decisions. Give them a few limited choices, then let them decide. This helps establish self-esteem.
6. Use affirmative language and avoid language which hints of control. Words like, "Don’t" and "Stop" immediately create a power struggle. Instead, try words like, "Please…." "I’d like you to…" Rephrasing language can have a dramatic effect and bring about a spirit of cooperation. Messages such as, "If you finish your homework, then you can play outside," can be effective motivators.
7. Offer alternatives for the expression of anger or frustration, such as a "time-alone," writing, or sports which allow venting.
8. Find out what motivates your child and use it to your advantage. Perhaps it’s a story with a parent or a board game after dinner.
9. Keep the avenues of communication open so your child will feel free to discuss any problems or insecurities with you. A frustrated child will often exhibit anger or rebellion. Find out what might be wrong.
10. Offer affection, attention and empathy. These all contribute to deeper relationships and more positive behavior. And then, have a laugh…
How can you handle specific incidences when they arise?
Let’s look at some problems and some discipline techniques for each one:
Talking Back
Again, clearly state to your children what tone of voice is acceptable, what respectable language can be used and the consequences that will occur if they talk back. First, state that talking back is unacceptable. Second, let your child know that you’d be happy to listen if he/she would use polite language. Third, ignore the behavior by "going neutral." Respectful behavior begets attention, and that’s what children want.
Refusing to do homework
If your child refuses to do homework, first make sure that he/she is able to developmentally handle the level of work and the amount being sent home. If this is the problem, talk to the teacher and have the load modified or reduced. Every child is different. However, if your child refuses to do the homework because of indifference, rebellion or lack of motivation, then again, state that there are consequences for not doing homework (usually, the teacher will have a consequence). Next, break the homework session into small, manageable increments. Perhaps after 15 minutes the child can take a break. And last, use the message such as "If you complete your homework, you can ride your bike."
Uncooperative behavior (such as refusing to help around the house)
Clearly state what chores are required and on what days they need to be done. If your child refuses to help, remind him/her that he is a family member, and all family members participate to help each other. If he still refuses, then stop "doing" for him (this could be not doing his laundry etc.). Children get the message very quickly that a spirit of cooperation helps everyone.
Bedtime, getting up in the morning and difficulty adhering to time frames
Clearly state what the bedtimes are in your family. Then help your child by transitioning 15 minutes before the bedtime. Try to create a calm atmosphere which signals that bedtime is arriving soon. For morning routines, help your child by providing an alarm clock. Reduce the morning rush by organizing backpacks etc. the night before.
Whining, begging and tantrums
If your child whines, begs, talks back or engages you in negative behavior, clearly state to him/her that the behavior is unacceptable. Then continue about your business in a neutral manner. If you’re in a store and your child begins to have a tantrum, immediately leave. You can always go back another time. Remember, as a parent, you are continually teaching and training. These few inconveniences will help your child to gain more self-control. If children want to be with you in a store, they will need to control their negative behaviors.
This guide to handling elementary school discipline is to assist parents in setting boundaries, creating expectations and providing natural and logical consequences for children. With practice and patience, parents can use the techniques offered here to help their school-aged children grow into respectful, thriving young adults. And remember, praise good behavior—children thrive on recognition and ultimately want to please.