Information about educating your children

Parents and teachers conferences CAN be an experience you don't need to dread. Information on the questions, approaches, expectations and how to form a team with your children's advocate.

Conference time is met with apprehension, nervousness, and sometimes frustration. It doesn't have to be a time of dread. It can be a time of resolving issues and planning strategies to strenghten weaknesses the child may have, as well as highlighting the successes of the child.

If both parties come together with the common goal of helping the student achieve success in school, then nearly everything is workable. When either the parent or the teacher is angry, defensive, or uninformed, then those issue will hamper any productiveness from the beginning of the conference.

I can offer you a few suggestions as to how to have a better parent/teacher conference. These suggestions should help to ease some of the pre-conference jitters, or apprehension for either party.

PARENTS:

It is always best to meet the teacher before there is a problem. In that way you will be familiar with her, and even have developed a rapport with her. If you wait until anger or concern is the primary motive, a situation of dread or defensiveness will exist for possibly either you or the teacher. Go to Open House, call her and say, "Hi", or send a note expressing your willingness to "be there". Small gestures go a long way to narrowing the gap between parents and teachers.

Don't believe EVERY single thing your child tells you when they come home from school. Somewhere there was a cute saying to this effect, "If you don't believe everything your child tells you about me, I promise not to believe everything he tells me that goes on at home." There is a lot of truth in that. Before you decide to jump off handle and "go get that teacher", investigate fairly, ask the teacher. You would be surprised how many "stories" kids tell their parents to get out of situations THEY created.

Come to the conference with questions you might have, or any concerns you may like to discuss. Teachers will answer any questions they can, and try to help resolve issues. If you automatically come in thinking we are the enemy, that attitude comes through loud and clear. After all, your child is with us for over seven hours a day. We see many behaviors that you might not observe at home. Please realize that some children act very differently in a school setting than they do at home.

Please be prompt to the conference. On a conference day, we have appointments scheduled for a reason. Sometimes those times do run over, and your specific time may be just a few minutes late, but we will do our best to adhere to the schedule. After all, teachers know that you have a life too, and don't like to sit and wait anymore than we do.

If you have something positve to say, PLEASE do. We need encouragement, too. It makes our day to hear something nice from a parent. Sometimes we get discouraged, just like you.

When it comes time to discuss the negative issues, please do it calmly. It won't resolve anything to get hateful. School issues and grades can bring out the worst in some people. Our common goal is to help your child, and we can't do it unless we can discuss it rationally.

Be willing to do your part at home. Check and see if your child has homework. Keep informed. If you see a problem developing, don't wait until it has grown into a big problem. Let us know early enough so we can alleviate any concerns or fears.

If we suggest perhaps your child needs additional help, or even testing for special services, please know that we take that suggestion very seriously. Such testing costs a school district thousands of dollars per child. It generally takes two or three months to do this. Unless we feel it is in the best interest of the child, we will not suggest it. You have the right to disagree, but please listen to the reasons and then decide. Think about what is best for the child in the long run.

Additionally, I would like to say, unless you have a teaching degree, don't presume you could do our job better, or grade papers in a more efficient way than we can. We wouldn't dream of telling you HOW to do your job. Teachers have many years of experience and use tried and true teaching methods. If you spent a few hours volunteering in a school setting, you might come away with a NEW attitude about the life in the day of a teacher.

TEACHERS:

I know you dread conference day. It is right up there in the top ten list of things you don't want to do. But why not make it the best it can be? With preparation and a positive attitude it can be.

Preparation goes a long way to alleviate some of the stress and tension. Before that day, go over the prior records of the students whose parents will be coming in. Have a current grade average to discuss with the parent. If the child is fairly new to you and you haven't had time to know their strengths and weaknesses really well, talk to previous teachers. Have samples of good and bad work to show parents. Know whether the child has been retained before. Find out if they are older than the norm for the grade level. Maturity plays a big part in some cases.

Call the parents on occasion to tell them something their child did that was RIGHT. Tell them something they can be proud of. Send home a note of encouragement or praise. Don't just send news home that is negative.

Dress professionally, yet comfortably for the conference. You want to look poised and confident, yet not "stuffy". Parents will check out your appearance, believe me.

Smile, it can set the tone for the conference. Greet the parent at the door. Make them feel welcome, not like they are entering the lion's den for slaughter. Some parents feel outnumbered when having to talk to a group of parents all at once. If they wish to have a one-on-one conference, honor that.

Say something positive early in the conference. Surely there is one thing that you can say that is nice. If you have a problem or issue that must be discussed, inserting that into an already positive atmosphere will make it so much easier to handle. The parent will be more responsive if they realize that you actually DO like their child. If the child has a behavior problem, don't you know they probably have heard that before, and are tired of hearing it? Some kids are just hard to handle. Some parents are at their wits end when they come in, because they also are having problems at home.

Offer guidance counseling as an alternative measure of problem solving. Some will welcome this help. Others will take offense becaue they have issues they will not want discussed...period.

Tell them about the routine, schedule and homework policies. Some parents just don't understand the requirements of school.

Last but certainly not least, realize that their students are somebody's "babies". They love them, and in most cases they think they do NO wrong. Teachers are not going to change their minds in one conference about what has been going on for years. Deal with what you can, and accept the rest as part of your "job". We can only teach what we are given to teach. If we reach some of the children most of the time, and most of the children some of the time, then we have probably done the best we can do.

Go beyond just what is expected of you. Make an impression, be an inspiration to a child, and motivate them to learn more. Teaching is a gift. It will continue to grow if cultured with dreams, challenges, and successes.

Your next parent/teacher conference can be the best ever. It can make a difference in the child's attitude towards school. If children see parents and schools as a united front, they will see education in a more positive way. If it weren't for the children, we wouldn't be here, either of us.

A parents' guide to preparing for an interview with their kid's teacher. Help your children succeed in school by being an effective advocate.


 It's Parent and Teacher Interview Time!

Many of us dread meeting our children's teachers. We feel shy, awkward and worried. Sometimes, we come away feeling that the interview was a waste of time. Here's how to set yourself up for a successful meeting:

1) Understand why you need to meet the teacher.

The whole reason for this interview is to exchange information that will help your child succeed. Just by showing up you're off to a good start. If you accomplish nothing else, you'll at least be opening the lines of communication and sending the message that your child is cared for.

Another good reason for the interview is to learn more about what kind of person your child is spending her year with. As parents, we need to feel confident that our kids are in good hands. For me, this means having a sense that the teacher is both competent and compassionate. There are many excellent teachers out there, so most likely you'll come away reassured. But, teaching, like any other profession, there are a few duds. You'll never know, until you meet face to face, what kind of teacher your child has.

2) Gather information from your child ahead of time.

Knowing how your son feels ahead of time, will help you to be a better advocate for him and may save you some unpleasant surprises! Kids often 'come clean' about their scholastic shortcomings when they know you're about to hear all about it anyway. Most would rather you hear their side first. But good, bad or indifferent, find out from your son how he feels about school. What subject does he like best? Is he happy with his work and progress? What did your son think of his last report card? Was he surprised by his marks or by any teacher comments? Does he feel the report is fair? What are his goals now? Is there anything he would like to see change (in himself, with the teacher or about the curriculum)? Ask him to predict what the teacher is going to tell you. Then, ask him what he would like you to say to the teacher.

3) Make a list of your questions and concerns, especially if you feel a little nervous.

Just like when you visit the doctor, if you attend this interview without a list, you run the risk of forgetting an important point. Also, it can be difficult to ask the teacher to do something special for your daughter, such as giving her extra help after school. Having your request written down ahead of time can strengthen your resolve.

It's important to fill your daughter's teacher in on the big picture. Plan to let the teacher know about any major changes or challenges your child is facing right now. Events that can affect how students function in school include: the death of someone they love, parental divorce, a new baby at home, or even a time and energy consuming after-school sport or job. The background you can provide may help the teacher to react appropriately and to go that extra mile.

You can also give the teacher some information to help him teach your child more effectively. Is your daughter the kind who needs a quiet environment to focus, or is she someone who thinks best by talking through her ideas, out loud? It may take a while for the teacher to figure out the optimum learning style of every student. Your insights really help.

Encourage the teacher to see you as an ally in your daughter's education. Ask what you can be doing at home to help. Offer, if you can, to volunteer in the classroom, or drive for the next field trip or speak to the class about your area of expertise. And be very sure to stress to the teacher that you want to be informed right away if any problems come up for your child.

And finally, if your daughter has any special needs, such as a learning disability, check to ensure the teacher knows about, and has a plan for meeting, those needs. Don't assume that this information is automatically passed on from year to year. Reports can be lost and communication sometimes breaks down.

4) Relax! Remember when you walk in that classroom, that you're not 9 years old and in detention. You're a taxpayer. It's your money that's helping to pay that teacher's salary. You have every right to be treated with respect and deference. It may help you to know that many teachers are just as nervous as you are!